So with all my many hours of sober blog reading (which is a godsend so thank you people!) I had heard about “drinking dreams”. I didn’t really envisage myself getting or being bothered by them. How wrong I was.
The last few nights alcohol has invaded my dreams. At 1st it was just lurking in the background. I had a dream in where I had drunk a glass of wine and then everyone around me stopped drinking. And I had the same feeling I always used to, “where the hell will I get more booze?!” “why have these people just stopped at ONE glass?! Are they crazy?!” I had an anxious feeling and a panic knowing I’d been reckless in sipping the wine, but also not caring and just wanting more. If I’ve had one I just as well say to hell with it and get drunk right?! Well luckily for me it was just a dream. One I shrugged off in the morning and didn’t think much more about it. Until last night’s installment.
I don’t actually remember drinking in my dream last night, as dreams have that funny way of disappearing from your consciousness when you wake. Pesky beggars 😉 But I did wake in the early hours with a pounding headache and a thirst like no other. Actually, it was a thirst that I used to so often wake with after a couple of bottles of wine. The kind of thirst that makes your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth and you feel like you haven’t tasted the sweet solace of water in 10,000 years! In my sleep addled state I, for a split second, thought I had been drinking again. It made me feel sick. Of course I hadn’t been drinking, I had just woken with a bad headache. But still……it was a slap in the face.
It made me wonder how the hell I ever used to cope with that feeling every other day? How did I manage to get up and go to work? I dread to think how I may have endangered my colleagues when I rolled in morning after morning, still half pickled, and hardly in a fit state to work efficiently. I work as a prison officer in a highly volitile and dangerous environment and I had the audacity to go in morning after morning and let….no, expect my colleagues to carry me through the morning. It makes me so ashamed.
I suppose that thinking about it, the drinking nightmares are unpleasant to say the least, but if they serve to remind me of exactly what I don’t want to return to, then I’ll happily suffer them every night.
On a little positive note to lighten the mood (!) I’m on day 17 and feeling good…..apart from the headache ha ha.
Have a good Tuesday people 🙂 xxx
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